To celebrate Star Wars Day, here comes my ranking of every Star Wars film. The ones that matter anyway, all the live action ones. Funnily enough, the film version of The Clone Wars was actually the first film of the franchise that I ever watched. I was hardly off to a great start, was I? But we’re not thinking about that one today. Without further ado, let’s start with the worst of the bunch.
XI: The Rise of Skywalker
I’ve only seen this once, when it first came out at the cinema, and I’d quite like to keep it that way. Goodness gracious, what an absolute shambles. The plot lurches from point to point, from revelation to revelation, none of which are very interesting or surprising. Palpatine returned! Hux is the spy! Rey and Kylo are in love? Finn has something to say! Will he ever say it? No. Because this film was written by committee, by people with no love or creativity. Half of the creative decisions seem designed to bury The Last Jedi into the dirt due to the mixed fan reaction. Rose turns up for a moment just to say that she’d better sit this one out. She might as well have winked at the camera and help up a sign saying ‘I was a bad choice from the previous director, who is an idiot’. What a disgustingly cowardly end to a franchise that has inspired and thrilled so many millions of people. They even retconned the most interesting creative decision the sequel trilogy made, which was to make Rey a nobody who is unrelated to any other character. That’s what the Force is about, right? That all of us can feel it, not that you can only use it if you’re part of like three families in the universe.
X: Attack of the Clones
The battle for last place was a fierce one, but this ultimately just missed out. From the dreadful over-reliance on special effects and green screen that have aged like milk in the Sahara, to the shockingly bad dialogue delivered by people who clearly couldn’t care less, this film is a mess from start to finish. I know the story of Star Wars is hard to escape from the general consciousness, but the ‘plot’ to create a convenient clone army that will go on to destroy their masters seems incredibly obvious in retrospect. Anakin also should have gone to counselling or something, especially after using a Tusken Raider camp as his own personal rage room. I do like the parallel at the end of seeing the vast clone army whilst hearing the imperial march, though. Good choice.
IX: The Phantom Menace
I’ve seen lots of people praise the prequel trilogy by calling it a good story, but poorly told. I’m not sure that I could disagree more. The opening crawl is about a trade route dispute, for crying out loud. This trilogy was doomed from the start. Anakin never should have been shown as an annoying child. The Jedi should never have been portrayed as stupid and bureaucratic as they were. Everything in moderation, and all that. I maintain that starting the trilogy at the outbreak of the so called ‘Clone Wars’, watching Anakin fall deeper into the dark side as the tireless battle wears on and eventually having him manipulated into becoming the Emperor’s puppet would have been far more interesting as a concept. It’s not even too far from the actual story.
VIII: Rogue One
It’s just so bland. It looks gorgeous, the cast are great, the idea behind the story is kind of fun, but it all just falls flat. Some things are better left to the imagination, and while it was thrilling to watch the daring plot on Scarif play out the first time, it really doesn’t seem that great when rewatching. All of the characters are cardboard cutouts who look cool and say cool things, but they really don’t leave any kind of lasting impact. One day, somehow, I’ll understand what the point of Saw Gerrera was. This is another film in the franchise that clearly had a lot of work behind the scenes between filming and the final cut, and yet again it yields a kind of disappointing end result.
VI: Solo
I think this one is simply a matter of personal preference. It’s as unnecessary to the greater story as Rogue One, but I thought the internal events of the film were more fun to watch and I cared about the characters more. I also kind of appreciate the audacity in how they try to explain the origin of things from the original trilogy. Han ‘Solo’ because he’s travelling solo. The blaster that everyone knows and loves (?) was just given to him by someone. What’s a parsec? Who cares. Like all of the Disney era films though, the special (and practical) effects are absolutely fantastic. I thought Alden Ehrenreich was good too, in a rather thankless role.
VI: The Revenge of the Sith
Like the rest of the prequel trilogy, the story is a hot mess that leaps from point to point with no real development to be had. Anakin goes from someone who is a bit doubtful of the intentions of the Jedi order to mass-murdering children with no real trigger point. Watch it again, without the nostalgia goggles on, and tell me if any of his character development feels organic. Without referencing season 5, episode 753 of The Clone Wars TV series, too. It’s very dramatic though, and the dialogue is a definite improvement over the previous two films. The idea for Anakin’s fall was always a good one, but the execution was flawed from day one of this trilogy.
V: The Force Awakens
If the prequel trilogy was ‘good idea, badly executed’ then the best summary for the sequel trilogy (well, this and episode VIII) would be ‘kind of ok idea, brilliantly executed’. The parallels to A New Hope were clearly intentional and designed to remind us fondly of the original trilogy, though it does go way too far at times. I sound like a broken record, but the effects are fantastic too. A lot of love was poured into this film by the whole production team. The trailer was oh so good too, quite possibly the best film trailer ever made. I do feel like this film was one of the first to highlight the ever-dwindling level of media literacy in the general public. For the last time, Rey is not a Mary Sue for being able to defeat Kylo Ren at the end. He had just been shot with Chewbacca’s cross-bow weapon, which was shown about four times in the film to have devastatingly explosive power. We see him bleeding from the wound. We see him devastated at having killed his own father. The only reason the battle ended is because the planet was literally splitting in two, which separated him and Rey.
IV: The Return of the Jedi
The beginning and end make up for the really kind of rubbish middle act. We see a confident and self-assured Luke after his defeat by Vader’s hand at the end of the previous film, and in the end good triumphs over evil. The less said about the Ewoks in the middle, the better though. I read somewhere that they were originally supposed to be Wookies, which would have made far more sense in the film. While Star Wars has always been a franchise for kids first and foremost, this was just a little bit too silly. The last 15 minutes or so is arguably the best part of the entire franchise though, from Luke’s surrender at the second Death Star to Vader’s redemption and ultimate victory for the rebels.
III: A New Hope
Where it all began, and still endlessly watchable to this day. It’s a classic underdog story, but in space! With aliens! And loveable cowboys and scary robot men and princesses and farm boys! It’s incredibly charming and really such a good story. It’s hard to go wrong with the classics, and this is no exception. It’s hard to say much more about arguably the most famous film ever made.
II: The Last Jedi
This is probably my favourite in the franchise, though I will concede it’s not the best (was anyone really expecting anything else to be number one?). Having said that, this film is so much fun for how much it tries to experiment with the established Star Wars formula. Not everything really comes off, but my goodness it gets points for trying. I loved the development of Finn from someone who only really cares about Rey to someone who learns to be the hero he wants to be. ‘That’s how we’re gonna win. Not by fighting what we hate. But saving what we love’. Yes, the line is a little clunky, but isn’t this the central thesis of the franchise as a whole? It’s about the battle of good and evil, but also doing it for the right reasons. Not for personal glory, not for revenge, but to save the people you care about. Finn was never going to destroy the battering ram with that flimsy speeder, it was literally breaking into pieces in the approach, but he was trying his suicide missing for selfish reasons, to be seen as a hero. I’ll save my deeper analysis for the inevitable full-length post on the film, but I still think it’s great.
I: The Empire Strikes Back
Surprise, surprise. This is widely regarded as one of the best films ever made for good reason. It was a bold and daring follow up to something as famous as A New Hope, but it all works. Splitting up Luke from the rest of the gang, in hindsight, was such a risk as well. People loved this rag-tag group of rebels, but splitting them up allows them all to develop and grow throughout the film. Luke starts his journey to become a Jedi, to become a man, and his relationship with Yoda is so much fun to watch. Seeing all these different planets was great fun too, it feels like such an expansion to the universe after spending most of the previous film on either Tattooine or Yavin 4. It’s everything a sequel should be, and the culmination of the film with a battle between Luke and Darth Vader is probably the most thrilling light sabre battle in the entire franchise.
So there you have it, my ranking of the most famous film franchise in history. Let me know your thoughts, I’d love to hear them!
The Herbshank Blogdemption 